Eternal Wit

Whoever said, "You can't take it with you" wasJohn Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England,
obviously not referring to a sense of humor ...cemetery:
Here is a list of actual epitaphs from departedReader if cash thou art
souls who clearly had more to say than the timeIn want of any
to say it, or from their next of kin, who wantedDig 4 feet deep
to be sure they literally had the last word:And thou wilt find a Penny.
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East DalhousieOn Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood
Cemetery, Nova Scotia:Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
Here liesShe always saidher feet were killing herbut
Ezekial Aiklenobody believed her.
Age 102In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
The Good Die Young.On the 22nd of June
In a London, England cemetery:- Jonathan Fiddle -
Ann MannWent out of tune.
Here lies Ann Mann,Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont
Who lived an old maidhas an epitaph that sounds like something from a
But died an old Mann.Three Stooges movie:
Dec. 8, 1767Here lies the body of our Anna
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:Done to death by a banana
Anna WallaceIt wasn't the fruit that laid her low
The children of Israel wanted breadBut the skin of the thing that made her go.
And the Lord sent them manna,Here's more fun with names, this time featuring
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
And the Devil sent him Anna.Gone away
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico,Owin' more
cemetery:Than he could pay.
Here liesSomeone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr Wood:
Johnny YeastIn Memory of Beza Wood
Pardon meDeparted this life
For not rising.Nov. 2, 1837
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown,Aged 45 yrs.
Pennsylvania cemetery:Here lies one Wood
Here lies the body of Jonathan BlakeEnclosed in wood
Stepped on the gasOne Wood
Instead of the brake.Within another.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:The outer wood
Here lays Butch,Is very good:
We planted him raw.We cannot praise
He was quick on the trigger,The other.
But slow on the draw.On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket,
A widow wrote this epitaph in a VermontMassachusetts:
cemetery:Under the sod and under the trees
Sacred to the memory of my husband JohnLies the body of Jonathan Pease.
Barneswho died January 3, 1803He is not here, there's only the pod:
His comely young widow, aged 23, has manyPease shelled out and went to God.
qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to beThe grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania
comforted.is almost a consumer tip:
A lawyer's epitaph in England:Who was fatally burned
Sir John StrangeMarch 21, 1870by the explosion of a lampfilled
Here lies an honest lawyer,with "R.E. Danforth's
And that is Strange.Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe,Here's Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Vermont:Born 1903--Died 1942
I was somebody.Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car
Who, is no businesswas on the way down.
Of yours.It was.
Lester Moore was a Wells Fargo station agent forIn a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's.Here lies an Atheist
He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery inAll dressed up
Tombstone, Arizona:And no place to go.
Here lies Lester MooreBut does he make house calls? Dr Fred Roberts,
Four slugs from a .44Brookland, Arkansas:
No Les No More.Office now upstairs
In a Georgia cemetery:Let's hope.
"I told you I was sick!"